What a time...
I think I can speak for everyone when I say this is a situation that we've never experienced before. I mean, I've lived in NYC for almost 10 years (wow), and for all those years I became accustomed to have anything I wanted, whenever I wanted. Like it's 2AM and I want Pizza let's walk and grab a slice, or I have a 5:30AM shift at the front desk of a gym (summer of 2013 don't ask me WHY I did that to myself) and want a breakfast sandwich, walk to the bodega no problem.
And now? Everything requires such planning, sanitizing, effort, and forget about eating in #public like this cute, cute puppy.
I thrive on being productive, and crossing off a #todolist (although they do make me anxious which we will most certainly unpack at a later date). And now I find myself sitting with my thoughts WAY more than I ever imagined.
Raise your hand if you "get in your head," or have a talent for #spiraling. If you had the impulse to wave your hands in the air like you just don't care, I FEEL YOU JOANNA, I FEEL YOU!
Something that I've been finding particularly helpful in this time of #quarantine is really listening to my thoughts, my body, and trying my best to vocalize my feelings (even if it's just in a note on my phone).
I've realized that something about this time reminds me of how I felt before I went on tour two years ago. Lost, confused, my thoughts running a mile a minute in the deafening silence, struggling to find my place or where I fit in as an artist, how to fill my time, how to complete projects with such a loose #schedule etc.
Now mind you, this gif encapsulates EXACTLY how I feel. And that's okay. I don't think anyone really *knows* how to live like this. I'm a month in, I FINALLY finished my 1,008 piece puzzle, and I've started and not finished several #random projects. My motto has been: "I'm going to do what I want, when I want to. And if I miss something...I miss it."
Which sounds very much like Veruca Salt. BUT it's actually been freeing in a strange way. If I feel sad, I journal about it, or talk to a friend, or announce it to my house. If I feel like talking on the phone, I #facetime or #zoom. If I feel like being productive I put on my glasses and go for it. The time is passing, I've been at home for 40 days, and I've been mourning the loss of work and living out my dreams on tour. But I think now I'm ready to start looking inward and figuring out how to live in the unknown. And when I think about my life as an artist, the gaping hole that is the #unknown is a huge part of my life. So what better time to really examine it.
Something to know about me... I LOVE LISTS. While sometimes they stress me out, there is nothing more satisfying than completing a to-do list. This week I am going to challenge myself to make an actionable to-do list each night before I wind-down. I've tried making weekly lists but usually I find them overwhelming. So time to try something new.
SO... let's jump #intotheunknown together this week shall we? Accomplish some tasks daily to get the productive juices flowing and committing to them like I would show up to work.